(no subject)

I just want to say:

I'm sorry about the last post. 

it turned out that she could make it. my voice was heard.

it was wonderful. :)


  • Current Music
    Abba - "SOS"


what the fuck? what the hell is your problem?

you just tell me the day of tryouts you might not be able to make it

what the hell?? are you saying you forgot, and then miraculously remember the day before tryouts?

god. I finally want to fucking let my voice be heard, and I can't.

she was right. you do find excuses for everything you don't want to do.

you know what, the best thing might to just straight up say "no".

I can't believe you.

you can't imagine how pissed I am.

-Em >:O
  • Current Music

ahh alas...teen hormones.

well, the title pretty much says it all:

alas...teen hormones.


You know it will always just be me...

  • Current Music
    Panic! At The Disco - Lying is the most fun a girl can have


what do you do when you realize you miss something so much, it hurts inside?

I don't know. but that's exactly what happened.


I saw him, and starting thinking. I remembered the times we used to talk, and have fun. I miss it. really, really bad.

I can't believe I let it go; lost contact with him.

sure, there's the occasional "Hey" or highfive in the hallway. but, still.


I dunno. maybe I'm just feeling these feelings because it's winter. I swear, I get depressed in the winter.

or maybe I'm jelous of other people?
"This picture is so hot!"

am I jelous? do I like him?
I dunno. but when I read those comments, I felt anger, or something, fire up inside of me.



why do so many girls like him? it's not fair.


maybe I feel a little heartbroken, because I thought I actually had a chance? last year? I think about a moment we had last year...well, actually, a day. nothing bad or sexual or anything like that. god no.

just him and me. no one else.
he asked me if I wanted to go.

sure, we didn't talk much. it was pretty awkward, to tell you the truth.

I dunno.

again, I ask the same question to myself:

am I crazy?


I don't think so. just hormones.


I'll write more later.



  • Current Music
    Cascada - Everytime We Touch

(no subject)

I know who to trust now, and who not to trust.

I now know who is a true friend, and who's a backstabbing bitch.


so, I'm going on day 4, starting Monday. today's day 3.

Wednesday and Thursday were day 1 and 2.

my plan worked on Wednesday beautifully.



ugh. "that person" was trying to act all innocent and crap. "What did I do?!"

You know perfectly well what you did. You think I'm going to forgive you as easily this time? Well, reality check - I'm not.

You talk behind people's backs, then act all innocent, like you have no clue what's going on. Then you expect them to forgive you, and forget about it. But nooo, you go behind their backs over and over again.

Guess what --

People get sick of it. They start to see a pattern.
It gets old after a while.


I'm trying to forget you.


True friends don't stab their friends in the back.
True friends help their friends when they need them the most.


fuck you.



  • Current Music
    Utada Hikaru - Simple and Clean

(no subject)


"people" need to stop being such whiny little bitches.

you weren't invited for a reason.


Get over it.



and for those "people", stop inviting yoursevles to places. especially to my birthday.
It's extremely rude.
not to mention friggin annoying.

go away.





an ongoing battle in my own mind...


today I went to Six Flags with my bestest friend ever, Steph. it was fun! I got kinda dizzy, though, cuz pretty much the only rides I went on were ones that went around in circles over, and over, and over...



I'm sick of seeing those stupid Westfeild Soccer jackets that everyone who is popular has. you know, the black, white and red ones? I'm sick of it! It's like, "Yeah, I know you fucking skinny, and I know you can play soccer. Get over it." I hate that game anyways. I hate it with all of what I have inside of me. I get so fustrated when I play it. it's like, "Give me the damn ball already, and stop showing off your stupid soccer moves by taking the fucking ball away from me!" UGHH! I think that's part of the reason I'm so sick of the skinny soccer jackets.

I'm so fucking sick of being a plus size. I really am. they say that there's so much pressure these days to be thin, and it's true. people who are like, 115 pounds are like, "Oh, I'd like to loose 10 lbs.!" you know what? so would I, but you don't need it.

ugh. really. if I could look like anyone, it'd be Keria Knightly. that's my main, yet fictional, goal. have you ever seen her body?!? It's got like, no fat. I'd love to be like that. I long to be like that. do you know how much easier it'd be to shop?!? I'd be able to shop at all those stupid preppy stores like American Eagle, Forever 21, etc. god I wish I could. ugh.

anywho, if you've never seen Keira Knightly's body, here's a few pictures to show you what I'm trying to get across:

yeah. I did want to put a pic of her from the movie "Bend It Like Beckham", but I can't find one on the internet.

I know, she looks kind of sickly thin there, but still. If I could go from me, all the way to that, I think it'd be a miracle.

well, I'm going to go. I need to get ready for school tomarrow. ugh.



  • Current Music

pretty song. :)

For the moment his smile is nothing but a
fake; a fraud; a desperate attempt to
cover up my pain.

You don't know this
it's not my style to hold onto
something that doesn't want to
hold onto me.

So let's just let things go.
We'll find other people to love.
You'll press on, You'll live on, You'll move on,
and forget about me.

And maybe I'm just playing tragic,
I'm the one you know who causes scenes and is dramatic.
But not this time,
my feelings are fading and I'm not waiting cuz
you're not coming back to me.

So let's just let things go.
We'll find other people to love.
You'll press on, You'll live on, You'll move on,
and forget about me...

  • Current Music
    Jenna Acoustic - "Kiss The Speaker Wire"

(no subject)

stupid gas prices.


I hate this. I only have a few dollars of spending money, and it has to last until my birthday.



I took my new $50 (wich I don't want to spend. I wanna put it in the bank cuz it's my first new 50 dollar bill...), my spending money, my piggy bank, and some gift cards together, and I have about just enough money for a full tank of gas. (plus some unknown amount of money from the gift cards.)


this sucks.


God damn.


I'm going to go. I'll write more later. 

  • Current Music
    Brand New - "Guernica"